Personally, I prefer Lent...

I've decided that I am more of a Lent person than an Advent person. Advent involves anxious expectation, hope, blessing, joy, babies and families. I feel like most of this country lives an Advent life. Expecting blessing, assuming fulfillment, striving for an abundantly life (defined by our consumer culture, of course...) I am much more of a Lent person. Living in the unexpected, awaiting the impossible, unsure, doubtful, at times full of pain and suffering, a waiting that often fears the outcome rather that hopes for it.

Some of this has to do with my spiritual journey. I have lived with waiting that has moved beyond hope to the need for the miraculous. I have seen prayers go unanswered. I have been left wondering about God's presence. I have walked with those who may have never come to know Christ. I have walked with those who strive for faith but feel that they can never believe.

Some of this has to do with theological convictions. I believe that I live in a culture that remains in Advent and Christmas... perhaps not quite as God intended. One a bit more focused on hope and answered prayer. On blessing, gifts, and the presence of God. I believe, though, that there are so many in the world who live in the midst of Lent. Always waiting, always wondering. Living in the midst of suffering and violence. Living in faith amidst a world where we all question God's presence. Lent reminds me to walk alongside those who are suffering in this world. And to seek God's presence in those places.

And, I must be honest, much of this has to do with my personality. Some of us are just more Lenten, more melancholy, always lonely, always questioning, always a bit fearful. Much of my family has a Lenten streak. And so I feel much more at home in the midst of Lent. Not just because it allows me to live in the depths, but because it gives me language for Christ's presence there. In the darkest of hours, Christ was present, walking towards the cross. In the midst of the deepest emptiness, Christ's death. And on the otherside... the resurrection.