Still Learning from My Mom...

I had one final day with my Mom in Maine before we got in the car and made our way south to my grandparents in Pennsylvania. Following our time at the Rachel Carson Refuge, we went on another little hike out to Wells Beach. It was a bit cold and windy... perfect beach weather for a former Northern California girl. And of course, there were rocks everywhere. I loved it! Among all rocks and amid the tide pools there were little snails leaving trails everywhere. Crawling under the rocks, following one another in along the trails of sand.




















































Before we headed down to Pennsylvania, we had two more tasks to accomplish. The first involved my learning (or re-learning) something new from my mom. I brought some fabric with me that I had bought in Guatemala. Hand weaved, extremely soft denim like material that is generally used for women's skirts. I had been wondering what to do with it, so I brought it east to my mom and her sewing machine. Okay, don't laugh. It was a simply project. We just made place mats and napkins. But still... I sewed! On a sewing machine! I may have to get one of those things.
The second task involved my seeing what my mom has learned. I was the first to begin a Christian in my family. Others followed... my sister a year later and my mom a few years after that. I soon was involved in leadership, eventually heading to seminary and becoming an ordained minister. My family has often seen me as a spiritual leader. I found out this week, though, that my mom has become quite the spiritual leader in her congregation. Mom was leading a bible study in the other room as I was sewing. I overheard some of the discussion. Enough to hear my mom offering her insights and advice, modeling a mature faith and challenging them to healthy, whole relationships. Enough to hear the responses of those attending who clearly looked up to her. So now it is my turn to say how proud I am of her.

Historic Homes and Wildlife Refuges

Down the street, past the historic mill and the old cemetery, is Hamilton House. Built in 1785, Hamilton House sits on a bluff overlooking the Salmon Falls River. Once owned by the Tyson family, apparently they used to build their own pirate ships in a little swale alongside the house... Wait, "pirate" is not the politically correct word here. It was actually legal at the time to raid certain ships and claim their goods on behalf of mother England. In case you are not aware, piracy runs in my family. The Deasy's had their own quay in Clonakilty, Ireland which they used as their home base for raiding ships off the coast. Perhaps my own good girl concern for rules is some form of penance for early family sins!

Behind the house are some beautiful little English gardens. In the summer they hold concerts there. We wandered a bit in the gardens before heading back home. For more information on the Hamilton House see www.historicnewengland.org/visit/homes/hamilton.htm.


Have I shown any pictures of fall leaves yet? Yes, one of the main purposes of the trip (other than seeing my mother, of course!) was to see the New England fall colors. There were definitely some beautiful trees along the river next to my Mom's house, but we saw the most spectacular leaves as we drove through North Berwick on our way to the Rachel Carson Wildlife Refuge.


Pictures really can't do justice to the explosion of color. My favorites were often the ones in the midst of turning... with bright red and vibrant green all mixed together.


The Rachel Carson refuge was not bursting with color, but it was beautiful. A wheel-chair accessible path wound through the trees and then out along a ridge overlooking the salt water marshes and estuaries that make their way in from the Atlantic.


The sunlight would peak through the leaves... the leaves would take on a translucent glow. Beautiful.


I remembered hearing about Rachel Carson in the Wilderness and Faith Class I participated in last year. She was a marine biologist and environmentalist in the early part of the 20th century (www.fws/gov/northeast/rachelcarson) and served as editor in Chief for the US Fish & Wildlife Service. Following World War II, Carson wrote about the connection between pesticides and biological damage. She was one of the first to really argue for the connection between humans and the rest of creation in modern times and to call us to treat the environment with respect and care.

I am so grateful for those who decided years ago to set apart tracts of land as parks and refuges throughout the United States. They are my saving grace in the midst of the city of Chicago... and they have always been where I flee to seeking my own refuge... with the wildlife... with creation... with the creator.

Then the Cemetery...

So, first we visited the beach. The next day we walked around my Mom's neighborhood. First we made our way to the local cemetery. Yes, I have a fascination with cemeteries. And this one was no exception. Nestled in a pine grove, the floor covered with a cushion of fallen needles, this cemetery meandered among the trees along a ridge on the edge of a local lake.

Age is all relative... growing up in California, we rarely found anything more than 100 years old. Traveling around Europe and the Middle East, I encountered stones and ruins thousands of years old. For the United States, this cemetery was quite old. The oldest tombstone I found was dated from 1732. Portions of my Mom's house are said to be from even earlier than that.



The Goodwin family had graves throughout the cemetery, including, most likely, those who owned the house before my parents. It is a bit difficult for me to understand. I didn't grow up in house that had "historic value." At least none that I knew of. My current home is only about 80 years old, but has some interesting stories behind it. Most likely the community I live in served as housing for those who worked at the tuberculosis sanitorium located across Pulaski.


Whenever I look at history, I am aware that there are stories that are not told, people who are forgotten or left behind. History is so often the story of those who are in power or those who won the day. Rarely is history told from the perspective of the average and the ordinary... or from those on the margins. So, I am always grateful for those signs, such as this tombstone, that hint at the rest of the story.


When I read the scriptures, I search for such signs. Stories of those who were lost or forgotten. I am aware that in many ways the Bible is just the tip of the iceberg, hints of a much deeper, wider, and more complex story. The world that Christ walked in was not just that of the stories written. So many stories were lost or forgotten. I am grateful that the Bible is full of at least some of the stories from the margins, that the parables were often so much about ordinary people and ordinary objects that were endowed with deep spiritual significance in the words of the Savior. May we see the world with similar eyes to that of our God.

Beach first...

While I had headed to the Northeast primarily to see family, I did have ulterior motives... the first being to see the fall leaves. But of course, being from California, we had to visit the beach first. I have to admit, I miss being near nature. I realize there are parks and things in Chicago, but it is just not the same. Part of it is the urban setting. Part of it is the culture. I have spent so much time in outdoor cultures... places where no matter what the season, people were outdoors hiking, boating, skiing, exploring. I find myself in a much more indoor culture these days... well, for the last 8 years. And a final part is being single... the outdoors are often not a safe place around here. A new walking trail was put in a few blocks from my house last summer and a month ago a woman was attacked in broad daylight.



So, whether off to see the fall leaves or the beach, I was excited to spend some time outdoors with my Mom. Our first hike was along the cliffs of York beach. I have always loved rocky beaches and York beach brought back memories of the rocky shores in Gloucester, Massachusetts. I used to drive out there to walk along the rock wall... most often during storms... to watch the waves crash and feel the power of the ocean while I was in seminary.


It was a beautiful fall day and the hike was a bit of an adventure. The path wound along the cliff and there were places where it had clearly washed away in previous years. As usual, I was fascinated by the rocks. I have been for years. I remember a small rock collection that my grandparents gave me for a Christmas present when I was in elementary school. The fascination stayed with me as I took geology classes in college.


Now, I tend to take pictures of rocks... you'll see one or two more in the days to come. I hope you enjoy them as much as I do.

Visiting Mom

And now for a break in our regularly scheduled program... while I will continue to upload excerpts from my doctoral exams, I thought I would break up the high brow discourse with a few vacation photos and reflections on my recent trip to Maine. For those of you who don't know, my mom and stepdad moved back to his hometown in Maine a few years ago and bought a 200 year old (is that right?) farmhouse on a river complete with three story barn in the back.


I decided that I needed a vacation after all my studying for exams all summer and jumping right into teaching this fall. I am very thankful for fall breaks! It turns out that my stepdad was away all week and so my mom and I had time to ourselves. We ate out with friends of hers, wandered in cemeteries, through forest preserves, and on the beach, and she even helped me do a little sewing project.

I never know how my mom does it. She has a great garden in front of her house... well, in front and back of her house. There is a huge rhubarb patch on her front lawn, a flower garden along her back walkway, and a vegetable patch off to the side. She harvested all the pumpkins above (and one little watermelon) while I was there. I have not inherited any of her outdoor gardening ability and have none of her fortitude for the work that is required.

I remember as a kid how much I hated the gardening we had to do. Once a year we were required to weed the back hill. It was covered with ivy, pampas grass, and other plant life... and if I remember a bit of animal life as well. Oh, yes, and there was the front hill as well covered in juniper bushes. I think all three of us (my brother, sister and I) whined and complained for several weeks before the big day. Now mowing the lawn... that was a different story. I kind of enjoyed that. It was a small, manageable square of land. But I think that chore most often went to my brother. I don't know why we... I should say I... both my brother and sister are attempting landscaping and gardening at their homes... never took to outdoor gardening. I would like to... I have made a few attempts... but then something else always comes along. If only we could inherit all the good things that our parents try to pass down to us.

A Confessional Practical Theology

John Swinton and Harriet Mowat have recently published a book on qualitative research methods that is grounded in a confessional approach. The aim of their practical theology is to create congregations committed to the faithful performance of the gospel. While they make significant use of socio-analytic methods in their work, they give primacy to theology. They claim that theology is constructed by God and therefore cannot be fundamentally challenged by humanly constructed knowledge. This is not to say that they have a completely naïve approach to theology. While they argue that there is one single unified gospel story, they see Christianity as the interpretation of that story in various cultures and contexts. Christianity itself is a historical/theological construct. They also operate from a hermeneutic of suspicion, acknowledging the sinfulness of humanity as contributing to the misuse of power in interpretation and the lack of self-reflection within communities that prevents us from seeing our own constructs.
What I appreciate about their method is their attempt to include God as a primary actor in the life of the congregation. God’s revelation is a primary discourse shaping the beliefs of the people. The Holy Spirit is central in the practices of the church. The congregation is called not to respond to human standards, but to faithfully perform the gospel. While it may be impossible to understand God’s revelation outside of human construction, it seems crucial to look for the ways that God might challenge the dominant oppressive discourses in our society and empower individuals to resist. My own commitments to feminism and liberation grow out of my understanding of the gospel. This allows me to understand each of these discourses as grounded in a deeper commitment to all humanity reflecting the image of God.
There is a danger in such methodology. When arguing for a foundational gospel truth, there is often the danger of silencing those discourses and experiences that seem to challenge such a truth. There can be an idealization of the church and a refusal to significantly address issues of suffering. This has certainly not been the case in Swinton’s work. His book Raging with Compassion seeks to address the problem of evil in the world. Rather than asking why evil exists or the relationship of evil to a good and benevolent God, Swinton asks how we can create congregations that are able to sustain faith in the face of evil. He does so not by denying evil exists but by seeking to increase the congregation’s capacity to bear suffering. This involves being able to sit in silence as well as embracing lament.
Swinton avoids one of the central issues often present in confessional practical theology, the suppression of challenging or painful voices and the voices of those on the margins. Yet, it does not seem that such an emphasis is grounded in his own methodology. What has caused him to focus on suffering and evil in his work? Much of his research has focused on those with mental and physical disabilities, seeking to create methodologies that honor them as human beings in the research process. Yet, it is unclear what drives this commitment. His methodology by focusing on a generalized idea of the gospel does not demand such an emphasis.
In addition, while focusing on those on the margins in the midst of suffering, I am unsure that I believe his response is sufficient. The main focus of Swinton’s book on evil is increasing a congregation’s capacity to bear pain. The emphasis is on sustaining faith. Rituals and worship become central in this approach. There is nothing, though, to call the congregation to change the structures that are contributing to evil in the first place. Both seem necessary to truly provide pastoral care. While Rebecca Chopp focuses on creating emancipatory structures, she often loses the faith aspect of the congregation. In my own practical theology, I hope to attempt to hold these two aspects together, focusing both on faith and action.
A final note on my own approach to practical theology. While my goal is to retain commitments to all three approaches, I recognize that my context will determine which approach I give priority too. In the midst of feminist and liberation circles, I often emphasize the confessional aspects of my faith seeking a way to acknowledge the role of a dynamic living God in the midst of theology and congregational practices. Within my own denomination, I tend to emphasize the feminist and liberation aspects. There is a danger in our denomination in using the confessional approach to avoid the socio-analytic work necessary to creating practices that are truly faithful to the gospel. In addition, I must present my feminist and liberation commitments in confessional language in order to be heard. I am making choices between discourses, drawing on what is liberating, making compromises, and choosing between pain and pleasure. I will need to constantly analyze power dynamics and my own choices in attempting to balance these approaches.

Practicing Liberation

Rebecca Chopp is also a feminist practical theologian, but liberation theology is more central in her work. Her early work, The Praxis of Suffering, focuses on developing a methodology for practical theology grounded in Latin American liberation theology and German political theology. As such, suffering becomes a primary referent along with gender in her work. Chopp has been accused of being more political than pastoral in her practical theology. Certainly she appears more political than Elaine Graham. Graham’s work, while emphasizing human flourishing, is clearly grounded in the pastoral work of the congregation. Chopp, in emphasizing justice and liberation, has moved beyond the confines of the local church into the wider society. Her practical theology has clear goals for changing structures in the here and now and creating liberating practices.
If, as most feminists argue, the personal is political, might one also argue that the pastoral is political? It seems that the political edge to Chopp’s work grows out of a pastoral concern for the flourishing of all people that cannot be limited to the local congregation. If one is to attend to issues of race and class in their practical theology, it seems essential to move beyond the local congregation. It is clear from sociological studies of evangelical churches such as Divided by Faith by Emerson and Smith that our churches have become racially divided and our emphasis on local communities has only served to further the race and class divides in our society. One’s practical and pastoral theology must have a political edge if it is to address these issues. Chopp’s ecclesiology focuses on the development of communities of emancipatory proclamation. Perhaps she is simply reclaiming the prophetic aspects of ministry that are so often lacking in our churches today.
As part of their commitment to the located and interested aspects of knowledge, both Chopp and Graham have a non-foundational approach to truth. All truth is seen as socially constructed. As such, Christianity becomes a socially constructed reality. In their practical theology, socio-analytic tools and theology are given equal weight. They use a hermeneutic of suspicion when approaching scripture and tradition. God seems to be reduced to a human construction rather than an active, living being. Is there a way to reclaim the role of God in practical theology without losing a commitment to feminism and liberation? It seems that a confessional approach moves in the right direction. Before addressing the confessional approach, though, one must ask where Chopp and Graham get their commitments to feminism and liberation. It seems that these commitments are foundational to their work, but from what foundation do they draw on? What in their methodology challenges others to make these same referents central in their work? Is it possible that the gospel can provide such a foundation?

What Makes a Woman?

Since the beginning of my Ph.D. program, I have been struggling to integrate my faith commitments with my commitments to feminist and liberation theologies. I have been drawn to confessional approaches to practical theology because they seem to see God as an active part of congregational life. I have been drawn to feminist theologies for their emphasis on gender and an analysis of patriarchy. I have been drawn to liberation theologies for their attention to race and class and their structural analysis that moves beyond the local congregation. The next few blogs will give you a bit of insight into how I am trying to pull of these together.
Feminist approaches to practical theology see gender as the central sight of socio-analytic and theological reflection. Their main purpose is generally to seek the flourishing of all humanity through the dismantling of patriarchy. For feminists in practical theology, all knowledge is located and interested. Analyzing power dynamics is essential. Practices become the main sight of reflection and are seen both as reflective and constitutive of beliefs and identity.
Elaine Graham has published a significant work on the meaning of gender in theology and congregational practices entitled Making the Difference. In this work she seeks to move beyond gender as an essential category (as fixed and never changing) or as socially constructed (how we are formed by society). Rather, she emphasizes gender as a performed reality. As such, it is in performance, in practices, that gender is constructed and maintained. For Graham, bodies are sites of discourse, sites of injustice, and vantage points from which to view reality. Gender is not something socially constructed outside the body and then mapped onto passive beings. Rather, gender is something both received and constructed by the individual. Graham emphasizes the intersection of structural influences as well as individual agency and sees material practices as mediators of these two acts. Our gender is both formed by forces outside ourselves and by the choices we make in living out our gender.
Graham’s emphasis on gender as performed reality becomes a central aspect of her pastoral theology in Transforming Practice. As with many feminist theologians, Graham’s pastoral theology shifts away from the actions of the ordained clergy to that of the congregation as a whole. (Feminist want to emphasize the work of the laity since the hierarchical structures of the church have often marginalized women) Graham’s pastoral theology seeks to create pastoral communities, communities that empower the flourishing of all humanity. In order to create such a community, Graham focuses on the creation of practical wisdom grounded in the practices of the church. The practices of the church constitute and maintain such wisdom. Her emphasis is on orthopraxy rather than orthodoxy.
Graham’s work draws on both liberation theology and feminist theology, but gender is clearly the central category of her analysis. She attempts to attend to differences among women in her focus on gender as a performed reality, but in order to embrace such differences, Graham moves to a theoretical level. In doing so, she often loses sight of the material realities of women, in particular women of color. She tends to refer to a generic “women’s experience” as a source and norm for her work. In granting primacy to gender as the primary category of oppression and patriarchy as the primary oppressive discourse, she often fails to recognize the racially constructed nature of both gender and patriarchy. While the potential to address such differences is present in her work, by not referring to particular realities she leaves race and class analysis invisible in her methodology.
All this is to say that what it is to be a woman is often different in different cultures… whether different races, different ethnicities, or different classes. There are different expectations of women’s roles, different understandings of beauty, strength, motherhood, etc. Feminists have a difficult time knowing how to fight for women’s equality when there are so many different women to fight for! It becomes easier to assume that we are all the same… and that everyone is just like me… that to try and deal with all the differences among us. I want to try and make sure that the research that I do and the theologies I construct attend to and acknowledge the differences.

Identity as Ambiguous

As mentioned in my first blog about feminist research, there has been a shift in some feminist methodology from standpoint epistemologies to discourse theory. Epistemology is simply the study of how we know what we know, what is truth, what is real. Standpoint epistemologies believe that each person from their various standpoints has different access to the truth and will probably experience a different truth. Often scholars will privilege one particular standpoint as more true than others, particularly arguing that those who are oppressed or on the margins of society understand reality better than the privileged. Discourse theory believes that all of us have identities that are shaped by a myriad of criss-crossing discourses or streams of influence. These include aspects of our race, class, and gender but also include the big ideas in our societies that shape our understandings of ourselves.

Discourse theory is particularly highlighted in Mary McClintock Fulkerson’s work Changing the Subject. While I love this book, I would not recommend it to anyone who is not interested in a very abstract discussion about knowledge and identity. It is long and dense. Fulkerson critiques feminism for failing to develop theories that adequately attend to issues of power. She seeks to radicalize and deepen our understanding of the construction of gender in order to embrace difference. Fulkerson shifts from a privileging of women’s experience to women’s experience as more ambiguous and constructed. She begins from the location of women and their experiences. In order to uncover the discourses at work in the construction of women’s identity, she focuses on the material reality of their lives. She looks for those practices that are sites of utterance, locations in which communication takes place. In her study of women in the PCUSA, she considers bible reading. Among Pentecostal women she focuses on oral histories. In the world of feminist academia she focuses on books and literature. She sees each of these places as the dominant forms of communication within those cultures.
Within such practices, she looks for the various discourses that cross one another, the differential referents of meaning. In particular, she looks for those places where women’s construction of identity and meaning seem to differ from those of the dominant discourse. These are the places where women are graf(ph)ting new meanings and creating new identities. They are the sites of resistance and liberation. They are not, though, unambiguously liberating. Fulkerson seeks to analyze the unspoken rules operative within the community that shape how they negotiate the differences in discourses. She analyzes the power dynamics inherent in the process including the choices women make, the pleasure they gain, the pain they avoid, the ways they are complicit in their own oppression, and the ways they seek liberation.

This focus on the ambiguous nature of women’s experience is central to understanding women and pastoral identity. Too often the choices women make, the compromises in order to survive and thrive in a patriarchal culture are seen as a justification for women not being capable of or desiring to become pastors. It is important to highlight how the pain inherent in becoming a pastor, as well as the pleasure, is different for men and women because of the different ways discourses regarding gender and pastoral office intersect. Women's choices regarding the raising of children, their career choices, whether they will pursue further education, how they will lead, and how they present themselves are just that... choices. The choices often involve compromises and/or sacrifices based on the conflicting expectations of the culture around them.

Empowering Research

On Saturday, I posted some of my reflections on Cheryl Townsend Gilkes, a scholar whose work focuses on black women’s experiences. Elaine Lawless also focuses on women’s experience in her work. Her book Handmaidens of the Lord focuses on the life narratives of white Pentecostal women preachers mostly in the rural south. She, too, has had to draw on more informal resources since a majority of these women serve in small parishes with little written history. As a folklorist, her focus is on the narrative aspects of women’s call stories and sermons. In particular, she suggests that women’s life stories are constructed narratives that serve to present a particular identity to the listener. Rather than a linear life story, the narratives are made up of a series of vignettes focused on this particular identity. Her approach is similar to that of Carolyn Heilbrun in Writing a Women’s Life. (I highly recommend Heilbrun’s book! It contains some great reflections on how we tell our own life stories, in particular stories of call and how they are shaped by our own expectations of what it is to be a woman)

In a later work Holy Women, Wholly Women, Lawless develops a more intentionally feminist approach to her interviews with women clergy. In this work she focuses on a group of mainly Protestant ordained clergy and develops a methodology that she calls reciprocal ethnography. Again, Lawless begins with interviews soliciting the call narratives of women clergy and follows up with additional interviews and sermons. Lawless’ reciprocal ethnography then adds an additional step. In this particular study she began meeting with the clergy women regularly, joining in an existing support group they had formed. Lawless observed the group as part of her study, but she also began a process of dialogue and discussion with the women. Those interviewed were allowed to read the transcripts and comment or correct them. As Lawless observed themes, she would bring them to the group educating them about the context of those themes and asking for their feedback. Their feedback would serve at times to correct Lawless’ observations and at other times to present a distinct voice from her own.

Lawless’ purpose in adding such a layer to her interviews was to move research into a dialogue between researcher and subject. Feminist methodology is interested in doing away with the hierarchies inherent in research and moving into a partnership model. Lawless’ method attempts to bring in the subject’s voices as an equal partner with her own. This requires a high level of self-reflection on her own preconceived notions and her own social location. It also requires her to distinguish in her writing between her voice and that of her subjects. I value this approach to research, but I also know that it is impossible to fully do away with the power dynamics inherent in the process. Lawless’ methodology includes an over reading of interviews to search for the things that are not said and the themes that are unconsciously present. In this way she exerts her power as the researcher to read into the narratives her own paradigms. While she is reflective about it, it is impossible to fully remove yourself from such work and to keep from imposing paradigms of your own onto the subjects. In the end, Lawless retains her own voice as that of the final expert. Her education and research give her expertise and in that sense power over her subjects.

Esther Madriz, in an article on qualitative research, further elaborates on the use of focus (small) groups in feminist research. She highlights, along with Lawless, how focus groups emphasize the multivocal nature of truth. Feminist research often seeks understanding grounded in multiple perspectives rather than one absolute truth. Focus groups also allow one to observe the relationships between individuals, to gain access to the language and symbols of their culture. They allow one to grant priority to individuals as relational beings, central to feminist thought.

Madriz also highlights the shifts in power dynamics that occur when a researcher is in a room with multiple subjects. She highlights the fact that focus groups may be particularly helpful when entering certain cultures or when the researcher is from a more dominant culture than the subject. For some women, in particular, the group may be necessary to help them find their voice and make their ideas and feelings heard. Madriz recognizes that many focus groups serve as consciousness raising groups for the subjects. She sees this as a significant aspect of feminist research. Feminists recognize that research is not neutral, but has the power to change the subjects. Rather than seek an impossible neutrality, some feminists embrace this aspect and seek to use it for the empowerment and flourishing of their subjects. When I finally do begin my research in local congregations, I can only hope it will have such an effect!

If It Wasn't for the Women...

So, I have been neglecting my blog in recent months… And to be honest, I am not quite ready to do a lot of new writing. Sixteen hours of exams was quite enough. Instead, I thought I would post some excerpts from my exams. I realize for some of you this will be very boring! But for those interested, it will give you a little insight into what has been swirling in my head for the last few months. And if you have any questions… comment away. I’ll try and respond.

My first exam area was congregational research as practical theology and the first question looked at various feminist approaches to qualitative research. Here is the first researcher I considered… Cheryl Townsend Gilkes.

Mary Jo Neitz has an article in The Handbook for the Sociology of Religion that presents an overview of feminist methods of research. She begins her article by articulating the struggle many feminists have had in integrating their feminist commitments with their sociology. It is only in the last few decades that feminist approaches to sociology have gained significance. Early feminists began asking why women seemed to be excluded or invisible in sociological research. The next generation took the “add women and stir” approach simply recreating existing studies with women subjects. More recently, feminist sociology has shifted to begin asking questions that arise from women’s experience. Cheryl Townsend Gilkes is a prime example of methodology that begins from women’s experience.
By beginning from women’s experience, feminists have shifted the location of scholarship from formal institutions and structures to the material realities of women who are often on the margins of such structures. This emphasis on material realties has led to an emphasis on practices rather than theories and ideas. To be more exact, knowledge and ideas are seen to be embedded in practices. Knowledge is seen as located and interested. Analyzing the power dynamics that shape the construction of knowledge becomes central to feminist research. More recent feminist theology has sought to radicalize and deepen this notion of the construction of knowledge by moving beyond women’s experience as a standpoint from which to understand truth to women’s experience as a performed reality constructed out of discourses. Mary McClintock Fulkerson’s work will highlight these shifts from standpoint epistemologies to discourse theory.
Cheryl Townsend Gilkes’ major work If it Wasn’t for the Women… focuses on the significance of women in the black community. Her work begins from the experiences of women, specifically black women. As such, the location of her research shifts from family and the formal structures of the church to the intersection of family, church, and community. Gilkes argues that most sociological research has rendered black women’s experience as invisible or deviant by focusing on white women’s experiences and patriarchal norms. They have failed to recognized the racial aspects of the construction of gender and have taken white women’s experiences as normative. For white women, family has been seen as the major site of oppression and their role within the family has been seen as marginalized or compartmentalized from their role in society. For black women, family and work have always been integrated placing them in a different relationship to black men and to white patriarchal norms. In addition, while black men have often exerted communal leadership through the church, patriarchal norms have kept women out of such positions. Black women have instead exerted their leadership within the community itself reflecting an integration of the sacred and the secular in their lives.
In shifting her focus to the experiences of women, Gilkes has made two moves methodologically. First, she has broadened her resources beyond formal written documents. While her work is very historical in nature, she has added women’s voices by referring to oral histories, sermons and testimonies, and literature. Her work reveals that within black culture, women are seen as central and foundational, especially to the church. Their histories are not as obscured as in the white culture. The black community has not been able to deny the leadership of black women who have often founded churches or served as leaders in the abolitionist movement. She did find that written histories often reflected more patriarchal norms while oral histories reflected women as more active and powerful agents. The second move made by Gilkes has been to focus on a more grounded theory approach. Rather than adopting existing paradigms from black history, sociology, or feminist scholarship, she has sought to create new paradigms based on black women’s experience. In particular she has sought to rewrite the understanding of the family in black history.
The next post will focus on Elaine Lawless… a researcher who also considers research from women’s experience but also develops a methodology for understanding how women narrate their own lives.

Top 10 Books

I was asked by a friend and youth pastor to create a list of my top 10 books... This list could have gone in many directions! Most of us chose to focus on books that impacted our spiritual lives and ministries. I also chose books that weren't reflected in many of the other lists. So, here is mine. You can see that my current studies were very influential!

1. Harvest of Empire: A History of Latinos in America by Juan Gonzalez
2. Divided by Faith: Evangelical Religion and the Problem of Race in America by Emerson and Smith
3. The Church and the Second Sex by Mary Daly
4. In the Name of Jesus: Reflections on Christian Leadership by Henry Nouwen
5. Leadership Without Easy Answers by Ronald Heifetz
6. She Who Is: The Mystery of God in Feminist Theological Discourse by Elizabeth Johnson
7. Marginality: The Key to Multicultural Theology by Jung Young Lee
8. Writing a Woman's Life by Carolyn Heilbrun
9. White Women's Christ and Black Women's Jesus: Feminist Christology and Womanist Response by Jacquelyn Grant
10. Teaching to Transgress: Education a the Practice of Freedom by bell hooks

Photos Along the Trail

I promised a few more photos after my weekend in Rainy Lake. It gave me an opportunity to wander along a little trail in the Boundary Waters. There is a small park and boat launch on Rainy Lake on the Western Edge of the waters. It was just me and my camera… and a little rain… and a few other shutterbugs. It was fun to see a small group of friends each armed with cameras trying to take creative shots along the trail. I was jealous of their cameras! I just have a little point and shoot digital camera. I love the freedom of digital. Take as many pictures as you want. It has freed me up to practice more. To make mistakes. To try things that seem a bit ridiculous. For someone who has struggled with trying not to make mistakes all her life… in words, deeds, thoughts, feelings… it has been freeing to try to learn by trial and error. I have a ways to go. When I go out to take pictures with my friend Cathy she takes at least 3 times as many photos as I do! But she has always been a bit more expressive than I have! So, here are some of my favorite shots from the Boundary Water trail.

Refuge in Rainy Lake

I spent the Memorial Day weekend at a great little inn on the shores of Rainy Lake, Minnesota. It has several names… Rainy Lake Inn, Tara’s Wharf, and Sand Bay Inn. Currently it goes by Rainy Lake Inn and Suites (http://www.taraswharf.com/). There are four suites, each with at least one bedroom, a living room, and a kitchenette. All with tremendous views of the lake and decks to sit out and enjoy the view. In addition, attached to the Rainy Lake Inn is Tara’s Wharf Ice Cream Shop
and a gift shop called the W.A.Genius Signature Store (http://www.kdwagenius.net/). I was in the one of the more casual rooms, but the suites were beautiful. A great refuge. The building itself is actually over the water and so the lapping of waves on the shore and the pier rocks you to sleep at night.
I was up visiting my friend, Kirsten Wagenius, proprieter of the said gift shop. She is carrying mostly items from local artists and a few from friends in Chicago (including some of my photos on various cards, coasters, and framed prints). This was her opening weekend. We spent one late night putting final touches on the store and then opened for business. It was a bit of a slow weekend. Memorial Day was still a bit cold and the gas prices seemed to have discouraged some people from traveling… which is too bad! It was a stunning weekend.
I’ll add more photos later, but here are a few from the first sunset.

My First Virtual Birthday

So, now that I am a full-time student, I spend most of my days sitting at home trying to read and write, preparing for my qualifying exams. The last time I did this, the internet was just picking up speed. I think I had just established my first e-mail account and I was lucky if I checked it once a week… and always in the computer lab in the basement of Caroline Hall. There were distractions… but the distractions were clearly separate from my work. The T.V., reading a novel, cleaning my house. Now, as I sit on the computer trying to take notes or formulate questions, with just one click I can make my way into a whole world of distractions. And in the midst of these distractions, I have found my way to facebook. Yes, I find myself checking my facebook account every few hours. Who is doing what? Who is reading what? Who is making friends? Did anyone write a message on my wall?

At first, facebook was a bit disarming. I would get e-mails from friends I had known for years asking “if I wanted to be friends.” Did I want to be friends? I thought we had already established that! I didn’t know it was a question! And I found that as I went to “invite someone to be my friend” I would get a bit anxious. Would they accept? Would they want to be my friend? I have since grown used to the language of facebook. And have even begun to add applications, letting people know where I live and what books I read.

Recently, I also decided to add my birthday to my profile… and just in time! Late on April 28, the birthday wishes started rolling in. I was so surprised! Good friends, acquaintances, former students, and many who had never celebrated my birthday before. One person would post. It would show up in the news feed. Another of my “friends” would see it. Another post. Another news feed. A virtual birthday party! I even received a virtual piece of cake and balloons.

I am not entirely sure how I feel about my virtual birthday party. On the one hand, I felt very celebrated. More than in quite a while… (well, last year was an exception) It was quite the party. I reconnected with old friends. Stayed in touch with others. I even received virtual birthday cards from my little seven year old nieces who live miles away. On the other hand, honestly, I miss getting cards. There is something about being able to touch and feel a card. And cards take a bit more effort, a little more thought… and the sacrifice of a stamp. It is not the cards that I miss, really, but the materiality of my relationships. I love how the internet allows me to stay connected quickly and cheaply, but it is no substitute for real live human beings. Perhaps I am feeling this more acutely this year. With so much time at home alone, I find most of my relationships taking place in the virtual world. It is one thing to have the virtual world enhance an already rich life of relationships, but it is another when the virtual world begins to substitute for the material world.

Perhaps I am just old. Perhaps for those who have always had a virtual aspect to their relationships there is not the disconnect. Yet I have to wonder… how is this virtual world changing how we understand relationships? What it means to be “a friend”… can friendship be fully defined in the virtual world? How is our understanding of what it is to be human changed? How is our understanding of community changing? And how do these things change how we understand church? And God? (after all… what a friend we have in Jesus…)

Blessed by A Community of Women

In my last blog entry, I lamented about being relegated to the world of women. Lest anyone assume that I do not value relationships with other women, let me now present the flip-side of that argument.

One of the reasons I can complain about my situation is because I have such wonderful relationships with other women. When I first became a Christian, several young women took me under their wings and mentored me. They taught what it meant to be a Christian. They bought me my first Bibles. They led small groups that I was a part of. And they saw the gifts for ministry in me before anyone else. They advocated for me and opened the doors that began my journey towards ordination.

Today, I have a wonderful network of women that I am a part of. They are all ages, in various stages of life, scattered all over the world. Some of them mentor me. Some of them I mentor. Many of them are what some would term “holy friendships,” ones that support and encourage me, walk alongside me in the faith, cause me to strive for excellence, and remind me continually of God’s presence. These women have been incredibly important to me for a variety of reasons.

The world gives women (well, all of us, but women in particular) a lot of mixed messages about who we are and who we are to be. The patriarchal systems and the sexism that persists today is at times blatant, but often much more subtle. When it is blatant, my women friends can laugh with me and rage with me, helping to remind me that my identity is in Christ not with those who devalue women. When it is more subtle, women friends can help me see those patterns, to stop doubting myself. They can share similar experiences. Some have gone before me and can offer advice. Some have come behind me and can remind me how far we have come.

But it is more than that… these women help teach me each day what it is to be a woman. What do I mean by that? It used to be that we grew up in communities, extended families, places where traditions and knowledge and secrets were passed on. Okay, perhaps only the healthy communities. But where today can you truly talk about some of the things that are truly unique to being a woman? Or perhaps are just truly unique to who you are but you are terrified they will cause you to be marginalized and silenced because they are too “feminine.” For example… I am a crier. For some of you that may be difficult to believe, but when I am under tremendous stress, or have not slept, or perhaps in the midst of my period, or someone evokes the issues I’ve had with my father… I cry. I can’t help it. I have tried to work on it. I have had a few bosses that have had to weather through it. Where can you talk about that?

Where can you talk about the changes you are going through when you are pregnant or going through menopause… especially when you are a pastor and the entire congregation is watching?

Where can you talk about the struggles of how to dress professionally… and feminine… and to indicate that you are available… and to reflect your personality… and to feel good about yourself… and not provide a temptation to anyone… and appropriate for the culture you are working in… and….

Where can you talk about the choices you are making in your career… and your personal life… how those things are not separate for you… how they don’t fit together neatly or easily… how they lead to lives that meander and wander rather than following a linear path up the corporate ladder?

In Elaine Lawless’s ethnographic study of a group of women clergy, Holy Women, Wholly Women, she writes of the need to “hear one another into speech.” How finding safe places to speak the stories of our lives is crucial to living an abundant life. Her study is worth looking at if you are interested in a peak into the world of professional clergy women. In reading her book, I was reminded that there are many women who have not been blessed by the relationships I have had with other women. They have been deep and meaningful, formative and fulfilling. Which is why, despite how they operate in my own life, I still feel that women’s groups are vital to the church and to our world. Every woman should have the opportunity to be blessed by relationships similar to the ones I have shared….

Relegated to a World of Women

I have been reading in the area of feminist ecclesiology and feminist research recently. So much of the women’s movement and the Christian feminist movement is centered on the idea of women gathering together to form communities of worship that are uniquely feminine. This entails a difference in both structure and content. Most of feminists pride themselves on the non-hierarchical nature of their communities and gatherings. In addition, they attend to aspects of God and of humanity that are uniquely feminine, seeking to expand our image of God beyond the limitations of gender as well as attending to God in all aspects of a woman’s life. This means expanding language for God, attending to women in the Biblical texts, and creating rituals that mark the physical changes in the bodies of women over time.

I think of myself as a feminist these days, but I have to admit that such a group has little or no appeal to me these days. I realize that it has something to do with my personality. I like structure and I am a bit task oriented. And while I consider myself very feminine, I see very little of my style of femininity reflected in Christian communities these days, even those with a feminist emphasis. These feelings grow even stronger when I consider the women’s groups without a feminist emphasis. I have been to a few Women’s retreats and conferences, but I have never felt at home at any of them.

While some of this has to do with personality, much of it has to do with our cultural construction of gender. Now, I should say that I am speaking primarily about white, middle-class, evangelical women. The cultural constructions are somewhat different in different cultures. Yet, I recognize that it is often my single status in combination with my gender that provides the most difficulty.

I have often resisted women’s groups because so much of the focus is on their roles as wives and mothers. Women so often construct their identity around the primary relationships in their lives and these are most often with their spouse and children. Working women also add in their professional identity, but their struggles often have to do with the tension this provides in their other relationships. This is not always the case. Working wives and mom’s face discrimination in the workplace struggling with racism and sexism just like the rest of us. As do stay at home mom’s. My resistance has nothing to do with resisting these roles or diminishing the challenges that go along with them. It is simply that participating in groups that highlight these roles, I am forced to forever be reminded that I have not been blessed with either of them. And, while it is not generally intentional, being in these groups, rather than empowering me as a woman make me question if I will ever fully be a woman.

This has been my general response up to this point and I still hold to it, but I have come to understand one other aspect of my resistance in recent days. Gathering with other women is supposed to be empowering. It is a chance to get away from a male-dominated world and fully live into who we are as women. But for me, rather than making me feel connected, gathering with other women makes me feel marginalized. Because I am always with other women. Almost always.

As a single women, my life has been relegated to a predominantly female sphere. It seems that once you pass a certain age, you are expected to primarily have relationships that are the same gender. This is not so say that I don’t have male friendships, but they are extremely limited in scope. Most of my friends are women. I have so many single women friends you would think that the church is full of them! And when I enter a new community or a new work setting, I am immediately introduced to more women friends. And it seems that the church assumes that these single women friends will meet all my needs for friendship and intimacy. But, of course, don’t get too intimate… though, we would all understand that if you didn’t get married you would have to meet your physical needs somewhere and we would rather you do that off to the side with your women friends rather than sleep around with the men. (I know this is crass, but I have had people actually say this to me!)

It is not that I don’t think women’s groups are important, it is simply that I am with women all the time! I love them dearly! But it often seems we are considered some alien culture off on the margins of the church never to fully integrate into the lives of everyone else. I realize I am exaggerating a bit and that not all single women in the church feel this way… but it makes me very sad. Mostly sad that these women’s groups that are supposed to be so empowering and so supportive, the very fabric of women’s relationships in the church, now feel very marginalizing… I feel marginalized within the groups and as a part of the groups, relegated to the world of women. It should be a feminist fantasy come true… relegated to a world of women! Instead, it becomes another way that sexism and our cultural constructions of gender confine us, all of us, into separate spheres rather than allowing us to live together as the body of Christ, male and female, in the image of God.

Lessons from the Three Year Olds...

This month in Sunday School we are studying parables. A very difficult concept for three year olds! Try to explain how the kingdom of God is like yeast… Try to explain yeast! Generally the more abstract concepts prove the most difficult, but last week it was a very basic concept that threw them off.

We were studying Matthew 20:1-16. It is the parable in which the landowner goes out early in the morning to hire workers. He offers to pay them a fair wage and they agree. Later in the day, the landowner goes out to recruit more workers… and offers them the same amount of money even though they are only working part of the day. At the last hour, the landowner goes out to recruit a final group of workers and again pays them the same amount as those recruited early in the morning. Generally this is an easy parable to explain. We are acutely aware of the injustice inherent in the parable. How could the landowner not see that it was unfair to pay so much to those who had worked so little! Those recruited early in the morning had worked hard! They deserved to be paid more! Isn’t that how our society works? If you work hard you will be rewarded? There are no free handouts in our society.

The three year olds, unfortunately, do not have this same concept of fairness. They do not understand working hard and being rewarded. Imagine us trying to convince them how unfair the parable was! Especially when they immediately grasped what Jesus was trying to teach. For these little ones, fair was each one receiving an equal share. They understood receiving and wanted all to receive. Now, I am not arguing that three year olds are perfect or are not selfish. They want things just as much as the rest of us. But they are able to receive freely. Actually, they often have no other choice. Everything they have has been freely received.

When do we forget that? The fact that everything we have has also been freely received. Everything we have has been graciously given to us by God. We did not earn it. We did not do anything to deserve it. Yet we do deserve it… we deserve it because we are beloved children of God. We all deserve it. We all deserve the grace of God. Those who worked hard from early in the morning and those who received grace late in the day. This is not an excuse to reward yourself. It is not an excuse to justify over-consumption arguing that all we have is free gift of God. It is not a call to those who do not have to live patiently waiting for God to provide. Rather, it is a call to fight against the jealousy that can so easily entangle us. The desire to have what all those around us have.

This parable becomes even more difficult for us to grasp when we fall into the trap of believing the all-American myth that if you work hard you will be rewarded. You will be rewarded if you do the things that are valued by our society… and from what I have observed, we value athletes, movies stars, pop musicians, and wealthy people. The reality is that those who have often are able to gain more much more easily than those who do not have. You can work hard all of your life and never make it. That is not to say that the American dream does not come true at times for some. And it is more likely to come true in this country than it is in many other places in the world. But we all know people who work extremely hard and are not paid nearly enough… school teachers, janitors, social workers, secretaries, housecleaners.

But, back to the parable. Back to the lesson from those little three year olds. God offers us a gracious gift. The same gift is offered to all. God offers us the kingdom. God offers us the chance to become children of God, to stand side by side as equals before the Lord. Perhaps this is what it means to become like little children.

Women and Leadership

I have been preparing for a class that I am teaching with Klyne Snodgrass next week on Women, the Bible, and the Church and I think I have finally found a book on women and leadership that I want to recommend to others. I wish I had found it sooner. I would have added it to the required reading for the class! The book is titled Leading Women: How Church Women Can Avoid Leadership Traps and Negotiate the Gender Maze by Carol E. Becker (Abingdon, 1996).

The book draws on various sociological studies regarding women, leadership, and the church but does so in a way that is very approachable and readable. I am in the midst of the section on leadership traps that women fall into. Don't let the title fool you. It is not simply about the things that women do that cause their leadership to go unrecognized, but also about the many traps that seem to be set up by our culture. Ways in which women, at times, can't win no matter which path they choose. The first chapter is called "Organizational Wives or New Paradigm Leaders?" It highlights the way that women often end up functioning like psuedo-wives in a various professional and ministry situations. Women have often been shaped from an early age to multi-task and to attend to the needs of a group. They tend to be peacemakers and calendar keepers. While this leads to strong administrative gifts, these gifts are often used in a marginal way. Women are seen to attend to detail but lack the ability to think in broader categories. In addition, in family system theory thinking, women often end up attending to the emotional needs of the group. While this is valued as bringing unity to an organization, it is not considered leadership.

I have been in several positions that have had "organizational wife" aspects too them... a minister of Christian Education on a large staff and the dean of students at the seminary. I realize that it is not simply the positions, but also the way that I function within them. And it is something that I need to change. As the "organizational wife" in various organizations, I often bear much of the tension within a community and internalize it to a greater degree than is necessary. I also find that I end up doing more day to day administrative tasks than most of my male colleagues. Partly this is a function of where I am on the administrative ladder in a system. The farther down the less administrative support you receive. In my positions as dean of students I went from stuffing mailboxes to operating with several office staff. I had to learn to let go and be all right with asking for administrative support from another person. When your identity is located in knowing all the details within the family, this can be difficult to let go of. Some of you probably know exactly what I am talking about!

I'll try to post more on various sections of this book in the next few weeks. If anyone has read it and would like to comment or make other suggestions, please let me know!

My last class.... ever

Well, I suppose there is a slight possibility of post-doctoral classes or another PhD, but I seriously doubt it. Which means that last night I finished the last assignment I will ever do for a class. Crazy! I know many of you would be jumping for joy, but I am a little sad. I really enjoy learning in the classroom environment. I love the discussion. I love learning from a professor. I love being asked to read things I might never have considered and how it always leads me down paths I never expected. I will miss learning in community in a formal way. I realize that academia has a way of preserving this sense of a learning community for most of us, but it will be different and I am sad to see this phase of my life over.

I was looking for something to post from one of my last papers. Believe it or not I wrote over 80 pages in the last two weeks. Topics included: the relationship between a Buddhist temple and secularization, civic engagement in the early Mission Friends, an analysis of Ed Lehman's study on women clergy entitled Gender and Work, and a dialog between several contemporary theologians and the Covenant Affirmations. If you are interested in any of those topics, I'd be happy to send a few things along! Otherwise, my ramblings were far to lengthy for a blog.

I will provide some book recommendations though:

Letty Russell's The Church in the Round is a great introduction to feminist ecclesiology. Russell uses the image of the table (a round table, a kitchen table, and a welcoming table) as her primary metaphor for the church. Her work is very approachable and asks very practical questions I think it would provide some great metaphors to guide a discussion within a congregation about what it means to be church.

Mark Chaves has published an extensive sociological study of Christian churches entitled Congregations in America. His main question is "What do congregations really do?" Not who do they say they are or who do they want to be, but how do they actually spend their time. His conclusions are challenging. He argues that congregations are primarily about the expression and transmission of religious meaning. This means that while social justice issues are important, they are secondary. Pastors and congregations spend most of their time involved in worship and formation with the arts as a significant part of the life of the church.

Finally, I'll recommend Mark Juergensmeyer's Terror in the Mind of God: The Global Rise of Religious Violence. This book looks in detail several religious groups who have been involved in terrorist acts in the last decade ands asks why. In reading this book, some may conclude that all religion is violent. Juergensmeyer doesn't leave anyone out. But it is important to remember that the author was not asking if religion was violent, but rather when a religious group engages in violence, why do they do it? What motivates them?

Merry Christmas!

Christmas Letter 2007

God’s voice thunders wondrously!
God does great things that we cannot comprehend.
For to the snow God says, “Fall on the earth”
And the shower of rain, God’s heavy shower of rain,
Serves as a sign on everyone’s hand, so that all whom God has made may know it.
Job 37:5-7

Merry Christmas! I doubt there was snow present on that first Christmas morning, yet God’s voice thundered wondrously even in the wail of a newborn child and in that moment we were shown how great our God’s love is for each one of us, those whom God has made.

If you have been reading my blog regularly, much of the information in this letter will not be new to you... but I thought I would post it anyway. Some of the information regarding my nieces has been edited out for their protection. If you are a friend and want more details, please e-mail me. And now, on to the Christmas Letter of 2007...

If you have not heard, in July of I quit my job as dean of students at North Park Theological Seminary and went back to school full-time… again. The seminary was very gracious in my send-off, presenting me with a brick in the pathway in front of the school honoring my years of service. This fall I am completing my last semester of classes in the Ph.D. program at Garrett Evangelical Theological School. This spring I will be studying for exams and, if God provides, next year I’ll be writing my dissertation. My research will focus on women, race, and pastoral leadership. Following that… God only knows, but hopefully it will involve teaching at a seminary.

In April I celebrated my 40th birthday with friends and family… all of my family! My parents stopped by to pick up Sandy and her family (Josh, Amber and new baby Sienna) and drove up to my house. My brother and his family (Jim, Nicole, Brenna, and Jordan) surprised us all by flying in from the West Coast! I feel blessed to have had lots of time with family this year. Sandy's to meet Sienna soon after she was born. A summer vacation on the beach in San Diego with Sandy, Jim and their families. Thanksgiving with parents and Jim’s family. I will return to my sister's in a few weeks for Christmas with the Cherry’s and to celebrate birthdays (Amber: 4 years, Sienna: 1 year).

It seems that I spent most of the last two years traveling. In April 2006, I made a spur of the moment decision with my friends, Cathy and Jim Stanley-Erickson, and a few weeks later we were in Guatemala. Highlights of the trip? A walk through the mountains outside Santa Apolonia with Julio who shared his role in defending the village against government death squads in the 1990’s. A private boat tour of the villages surrounding Lake Atitlan. And a pre-dawn hike into Tikal, the Mayan ruins in the jungle’s of northern Guatemala.

In March 2007 I co-taught a class on Church Leadership in the United States and Sweden which involved a trip to Stockholm as part of a student exchange. Afterwards I spent a few days sightseeing with a friend in Stockholm and Copenhagen. The two cities were so different! One neat, orderly, and polite. The other more rough and tumble, but full of life. Both beautiful! Then in May, I made my way to Northern Minnesota with the Wilderness and Faith Class at North Park. The class focuses on ecology and the Christian response to creation and involves a few days at a cabin on the shores of Lake Michigan then a five day canoe ride into the Boundary Waters. I have missed Minnesota and being so close to nature. The trip reminded me of the love nature instilled in me by both my parents.

Finally, in October of this year Cathy, Jim and I embarked on one more adventure… Peru. The jagged peaks of the Andes. The jungle-covered hills surrounding Machu Picchu. The Colonial city of Cusco. A bus ride through Mayan villages and a boat ride to the floating islands in Lake Titicaca. It was definitely an adventure! If you want to hear more about my trips, there are stories and pictures posted on my blog, www.marginal-thoughts.blogspot.com. And a link to my flickr sight (auntjojo).

May you hear the voice of God thundering wonderously during this Christmas season and throughout the New Year!

What Are We Waiting For?

This morning in church we celebrated the first Sunday of Advent. The sermon was on waiting, a topic which I am intimately familiar with. It led me to ask the question, "What are we waiting for?"

In the theology class that I assist with we are in the midst of studying eschatology. Eschatology is the study of the "last things." It has to do with our concept of where the world is headed and where we are headed, both in this life and beyond. Hans Schwarz, our primary text on this topic, reminds us that many other religions see life in a cyclical nature, a never-ending process of birth, death, and rebirth. Christianity on the other hand sees life headed towards a goal, towards the fulfillment of God's purposes and God's promises for this world. We may only have a dim picture of what the end looks like, but we trust that God knows where we are going. And, as Christians, we believe that those purposes and promises are intimately connected with Jesus Christ.

I ask the question "What are we waiting for?" because much of Schwarz's discussion of eschatology focuses on just that... hopes and expectations. Schwarz reminds us that before the time of Christ, the Jewish people had hope, though much of their hope was based in the past. God had acted on behalf of the Jewish people. God had rescued them out of Egypt and shown God's face to them. God loved them and covenanted with them to love and guide them. Some of them awaited a messiah, an anointed one, a king who would once again lead the Jewish people, but none of them awaited a baby. There was no season of advent before the coming of Christ. Yes, there were some who were awaiting his birth. Mary and Elizabeth along with their families knew that something was coming. It is suggested that the three wise men began their journey to Bethlehem long before Christ's birth. There must have been others who had seen the signs. Yet they did not know quite what to expect.

Our Advent season is a bit different than those first days of awaiting Christ's birth. Our waiting is a season of reflection, a reminder to slow down and focus on this tremendous act, the incarnation of God in human form on this earth in a manger in Bethlehem. We know what we are waiting for, because it has already occurred. Yet, in many ways our hope is also similar to that first advent season. Our hope is now grounded in the person and work of Christ as well as in all the mighty acts of God of behalf of God's people before and after that event. Christ's life, death, and resurrection make God's purposes a bit clearer, God's promises a bit more tangible. And we know of a new promise, the second coming of Christ, an event that we again wait for. It is this second coming that reminds me of the first advent. Some see the signs clearer. Others have a vague sense, but trust in the graciousness of God. Others don't have a clue that there is something to wait for. But on the day that it occurs, it will be clear.... At least to some. For the coming of Christ as the Messiah was not immediately known or recognized by all... not even all who would eventually be called the first Christians.

May God give us hearts to hope... to wait expectantly... a waiting grounded in what we have already seen and heard. And may we not move too quickly to claiming that we have already seen the truth or heard the answer. This is a time of waiting, a time of listening, a time of allowing God to speak to us in new and miraculous ways.

Searching for a Home in the Academy

This past weekend I was at the American Academy of Religion in San Diego. Initial observations? Picture a thousand theology professors all wandering around a convention center carrying little canvas tote bags. The same professors are almost giddy with joy as they wander through a huge exhibition hall full of books at discount prices. And then... ours of wandering from room to room listening to paper after paper on a wide variety of topics. Some are interesting, some inspiring, some incredibly boring! Given the location just north of the border with Mexico and recent political debates, many of the practical theology sessions focused on immigration. My favorite... a group called "Bible, Theology, and Postmodernity" with presentations ranging from theological reflections on Algerian migration to France, a personal reflection from someone who recently migrated to the United States to teach, and a reflection comparing Exodus to the Japanese internment. Most frustrating? A panel on Asian reflections on ecclesiology made up of five white men... and one Asian man. Most interesting? A debate between two womanist scholars on issues of power and pedagogy in the classroom. One argued that you must establish your authority in the classroom before you begin to share power. The other argued that you must create a classroom of equals... with all the chaos it entails, from the very beginning.
As usual, the conference leaves me feeling a bit unsettled. I don't know yet where I belong in this vast world of academia. Who is interested in the same topics as I am? Who is committed to the same values regarding gender and ethnicity? Who shares a commitment to the church and the scriptures? Where will I find a home? I want to argue both that an academic home is essential andjavascript:void(0)
Publish Post that I must hold it loosely. The academy is meant to be a community of those pursuing truth and wisdom... together. Yet, we must hold the idea of a home a loosely. Otherwise we determine who the community is ourselves and it often ends up looking a lot like we do. We end up with the like-minded, with a little chance of really being challenged or stretched. When we hold the idea of home loosely, perhaps God can form a family that is much wider, more dynamic than anything we could ever hope for or imagine.

"All" Inclusive???

So, as usual, Sundays leave me with a lot to think about.

Last week it was All Saint's Day. And as has been the pattern for the last few years at our church there was also an infant baptism. It is always a challenge for me to feel a part of the church on these days that emphasize family. Generally central to those feelings are my own sorrow at not having a nuclear family of my own... since this generally seems to be the family that is being talked about at church. Infant baptisms raise grief for all sorts of people, including those of us who are facing the reality of never giving birth for a variety of reasons. But tie that to All Saint's Day... and some feel caught in a crunch between life and death. I celebrate being a part of the communion of saints. I try to remember that this day is about my being welcomed into that communion, a remembrance of my own baptism and coming to faith. I rejoice that many of my family members are part of the communion of saints. Yet, I also know that as someone not born into the faith, I will always mourn those who are not part of the body, those who do not believe, could not believe, never had a chance to believe.

Today, during the service, the word "all" was used many times. It is meant to be inclusive. It is meant to indicate that we "all" share similar experiences in life, that we are all a part of a fellowship of believers. But as one who has always been a bit of a contrarian in life, "all" has more often than not only highlighted my feelings of exclusion and alienation. All to often the experiences that we "all" have shared are not experiences that I have been a part of.

I have thought back to my own usage of the word "all" in sermons and lectures. I realize that I have become much more careful about assuming that everyone in a room has shared the same experiences. At North Park Seminary, it was important to remind myself that not everyone was a part of the same denomination. We did not necessarily have a shared experience of the Covenant Church. How important this was did not hit me until I ended up at a primarily Methodist seminary where I have been reminded over and over again that I am in the minority.

This use of "all" exclusive is rarely meant to cause harm. It is a part of desire we "all" have to connect with those around us, to be reconciled with one another, to emphasize how we are similar, how we are one in Christ. Yet too often the "all" excludes by not recognizing the diversity within our unity. The "all" can cause us to oversimplify our faith and our experience of the kingdom of God.

This is where my own "all" bias comes in. I am a person who is seeking to know a more complex God. It is comforting for me to know that God is beyond all we can think or know. It makes me feel included when we break down the universal nature of "all" and consider the wonderfully complex diversity of our community. For many, this complexity makes God seem out of reach. It brings instability to an already destabilized world. So perhaps I need to make room for those who need "all" inclusive, who need to emphasize our similarities rather than our differences... Perhaps...

As we use the word "all" in an effort to include everyone, though, I would ask you to consider who is not a part of "all." For someone is always on the outside. And sometimes the outside is where Christ is dwelling. And sometimes the outside is exactly where we are called to bring Christ... to welcome "all" into our family of faith.